Empowering Your Food Allergic Child

I get asked these questions a lot from strangers to friends. How are you teaching you 4 year old son about his allergies? When did you start teaching him? How can I tell my child about their allergies without scaring them? Then a long conversation happens because the answer isn't that simple. Some are happy to hear it, others regret asking the question. Educating your child on his or her challenges can give them control over it. It will empower them.

Starting the FA conversation with your toddler child.

Age has a lot to do with how you approach your child. My son was 14 months old when he had his 1st reaction. Not an easy age to talk to them. You can't just say "don't eat peanuts they can make you sick or kill you".  You can't just go to a party and let them move about and snack on all the food that is at their disposal. You end up being that dreaded helicopter parent. Not fun for anyone, but it's what you do.

What we did at this young age was to reinforce asking mom or dad only for food. Don't take food from anyone but person A, B, or C... When in the supper market (or any where we saw the offending foods), we would point out peanuts and nuts and say YUCKY, DANGER. If we saw a certain candy commercial we would say the same thing. He also had some books that had pictures of peanuts and nuts in them. Again we would say YUCKY, DANGER. We were using images to teach. This wasn't a plan, it's just what we did naturally.

Age 2
At around age 2 is when we started using car rides to talk about it. On our way to a party or play date we would tell him the food rules. That even though we may not see the peanuts or nuts they could still be in the food. We bought him his medic alert bracelet and had him start to wear it. We started using the words safe and not safe quite a bit!

The Preschool Years (which we are still in)

Age 3
When he turned 3 we started talking about getting sick and having to go to a hospital if he ate the wrong thing. That he would have to get a shot that mommy or daddy would have to give him. Now instead of telling him the food rules he had to tell us on the way to a party. When we met other kids with allergies we would excitedly say, "guess who else can't eat peanuts!"

If we went to someone house who made sure the food was safe for him we made sure (and still do),  to have him tell the host thank you for making or having safe snacks.

At school we had a great system worked out. Before we would go into his classroom we would go (and still do), and check to see if the snack was safe together. He would see me check, and then I would tell him if it was OK on not. If I remembered I would have him tell the teacher if he could eat it or not. Sometimes I forgot and told her myself. If was unsafe we had snacks stashed with the teacher. We also always brought his treat for parties and such. Whether at school or at a party. This was and is his normal. It doesn't even phase him.

We also started talking about his EpiPen. We showed it (the trainer) to him and told him it had to go everywhere with him. We just left it at that at the time.

Age 4
Just before he turned 4, we went to a close friends party. As usual she made the whole thing safe for him even though she doesn't have to (thank God for friends like this). They had a pinata with all safe candy for him. The kids broke the thing and candy was everywhere. He collected his stash and started to look thought. He came running to me with a box of Jr. Mints in hand, yelling "MOM these have peanuts! You said the candy was safe!" Turns out there was a no peanut symbol on the box. He saw the peanut but didn't know the red circle with the line through it meant no.

At that moment I knew what we spent the last 2 years teaching him sunk in. It was a sad and happy moment. Happy because he learned. Sad because now he understand his life can end with just one bite of the wrong thing.

About 6 moths after that party we headed back into the city for another food challenge. He had passed his first challenge to cashews, so we were pretty confidant he would pass this one for walnuts and pecans. This was not the case. Two minutes after his 1st bite of walnut he started to have a reaction (to read all about this food challenge click here to find the post and details of that bad day). While it was not the outcome we had hoped for, we again learned that what we were teaching him had sunk in! He did everything he had been told to do.

Up until that point he really didn't know what it felt like to eat something that could hurt him. We were always afraid he wouldn't recognize it. That no matter what we told him, he wouldn't truly understand an allergic reaction.  Well he did, right from the start! He didn't need time to process what the feeling was. He knew what it was, and knew what to do.

Now at 4.5  we have switched over to the new Auvi-Q epinephrine injector.  We love it because of the audible directions its gives while having to use it and it's size. Our son loves it as well. We showed it (the trainer), to him and he is not afraid of it any more. It's smaller and easy to use. He is now the one who trains everyone how to use it. Yes my 4.5 year old trains the adults how to use it! He is also in charge of handing it over to the adult who will be taking care of him if he is getting dropped off (with us standing right there of course). He does not carry it on him, but we give it to him at the door to give to an adult.

So back to the title of this post, Empowering Your Food Allergic Child. How we empower our son is to educate him. The more he understands the more control he has. He is learning how to ask questions about his food. How to say no thank you to food offers. He knows what will help him in an emergency. He needs to be confident and informed. He needs to be able to stand up for and advocate for himself if we're not there, because lets face it we can't be there 24/7 for his whole life.

He needs to know these things and guess what, he knows! At lease he is starting to  really get a handle on it.  So don't be afraid that you will scare your child too much. A little fear is good but understanding is better.  You know your child better than anyone. You know what they can handle and not handle. Just don't underestimate the power your words have and how much they hear. That is you best weapon against food allergies.

Since we are still in preschool, I can't weight in on what to do with older children. Nicole Smith of Allergic Child is who I look to for that! I will have to wade through like so many parents that have gone before me. All I can say is I will always educate him, I will always advocate for him, I will do what I can to make him ready and able to handle what comes his way. I'm the mom, it's my job.

Empowering Your Food Allergic Child

Food Challenge Meltdown

I know many of you were following our food challenge last week on Facebook and Twitter. I want to thank you all for you kind, supportive words and prayers. If you weren't following lets just say, it didn't go so well.

This was our second food challenge. We went for our first one last fall (when I was on hiatus from here). It was for cashews. I was a nervous wreck the night before for many reasons. For years we have been telling our son do not eats nuts! Now we had to tell him eat these nuts. Needless to say it took two weeks prior to the test to convince him to do the challenge. Since I didn't think he would eat them, I made cookies with cashews in them after he went to bed. I was terrified the fumes from them cooking would make him have a reaction. I must of went into his room 20 times to check on him. We went in early to do the challenge. He ate the cashews plain while I wanted to throw up. And NOTHING! He loved them and is not allergic!

Cut to last Thursday. We were going in to challenge walnuts and pecans. Since the first challenge went so well. I was so calm (too calm). I slept well and everything. I didn't get nervous until he had to eat the walnut. He ate a piece smaller than a jelly bean, and announced he wasn't allergic with this big grin on his sweet face. We all laughed and I took a breath since I was holding it.

About 2 or 3 minutes (yes that fast), my son turned to us and said his mouth felt funny, like oatmeal. I couldn't understand what he meant by oatmeal. Then a few seconds later he said his tummy hurt and started clawing at the neck of his shirt. Then his fear set in. The terror in his eyes was too much for  me to see. He started panicking and the nurse and Dr. were there in a flash. The more questions we asked the more he panicked. His top lip started to swell a little. It was barley noticeable, but the Dr. and I saw it.  Food challenge over only minutes after we started. 

Benadryl to the rescue! Once we told him he was going to get medicine he started to calm down even before he took it. We were lucky that he didn't need epinephrine. The Benadryl took care of it. He did get a little lethargic but nothing that worried anyone too much. We had to stay for 3 more hours to make sure he was OK. 

Once I knew he was OK, I had to leave the room to catch my breath and let a few tears spill. The minute he said his mouth felt funny I wanted to throw up. That feeling didn't go away until the next day. A four year should never have to feel that fear, and a parent should never have to see it. He knew it was bad and saw it in my eyes as well. 

However there is a positive to this story! We've spent years talking to him about his allergies. As he gets older we get a little more detailed but noting too heavy yet. He's only four. The moment he felt something different he knew to tell us. He knew something was wrong. He recognized what we had been telling him for years. He did what he was taught. As a parent I'm so proud of my little man. Of all the things I could fail at, this wasn't it. We are doing the right thing. Teaching him one of the most import lessons in his young life. We did our job as his parents, and it feels good.

After we got the all clear getting ready for some pizza!

Do not attempt to do a food challenge at home without consulting a Dr. This was a medically supervised food challenge in a medical facility.

Food Challenge Meltdown

Thank You Cake Break!

We've been back a week now from our wonderful family vacation in Lewes, DE. It was such an amazing experience going away as a family of 4 for the first time. We decided a while ago that in order for us to go away we need to rent a space that had a kitchen. Not just to save money, but to save our sanity and keep stress at a minimum. Feeding your food allergic child while on vacation is a challenge, especially if you eat out for every meal. I would be exhausted by day 2, and DONE by day 3. The stress would ruin it.

With that said, we rented a house on the beach, and only ate out twice. If you find yourself in Lewse DE, these 2 establishments: Mr. P's and Jerry's Seafood, were so nice and accommodating, plus the food was great.  However the day we went into Rehoboth we faced our big first food challenge while on vacation.

 ©Diane French Photography                    

We had planed to spend the afternoon at the boardwalk and eat there. The first thing we noticed was that many of the concessions and restaurants cook their food with peanut oil. It was clearly stated on their signs as an advertisement. For us it was a waring and blessing. Even the one pizza place we went into used peanut oil. Now I'm sure there are many safe place to eat in Rehoboth that don't use peanut oil, as we didn't go into every establishment (there are a ton of places to eat there).  By the 4th or 5th one we tried without success, we were done.

Disappointed, we headed back to Lewes to eat as my son was starving. We found Mr. P's and all was good again. But it got me thinking, what if we had only rented a hotel room in Rehoboth like most families do? We would of been so stressed.

We got back to the house, and I posted on facebook about how bummed I was for my little man. Then, just like that, one you you replied (I won't post your name in case you don't want it here), to my post that there was a nut free bakery in Rehoboth! I looked them up and called the next morning. It was true, Cake Break in Rehoboth was peanut and tree nut free. They also had gluten free items as well.

It sounds crazy but I got a little emotional at the news. See we had already told our son we couldn't go to the ice cream place, that he couldn't eat the pop corn, or the fudge he saw others eating on the boardwalk. Pretty heart breaking for us. But as usual he was OK and would say, "I'll have some back at our beach house mommy".

Two day's later it was my husbands birthday. I had planned on baking cupcakes at the house, but now I didn't have to! We told our son about the bakery, and he was super excited to pick out a special birthday cupcake for his dad. So instead of lunch that day, we had cupcakes, sticky buns and cinnamon rolls. Delicious doesn't even begin to describe it. Needless to say he was a happy boy.

All photographs ©Diane French Photography

This pace was awesome. They even had a cupcake decorating area for the kids, some stools and chairs inside as well as out. When I asked the owner why a nut free bakery he had the best answer. He told me the day they opened there was  little boy screaming and crying because he couldn't go in and have a cupcake. That's all it took. Amazing right?

All photographs ©Diane French Photography 

So if you find yourself in the Rehoboth, DE area with a nut, peanut, or gluten, allergy, eat vegan, or just like sweets. Check out Cake Break! You won't be disappointed and you will be giving your business to people who care. They made our vacation that much better! And for a mom with a child with a life threatening food allergy that is a big deal.

Like the photos you see? Check out my photo blog and website at www.dianefrenchphoto.com

Thank You Cake Break!

Summertime Blues:(

My apologies for not keeping up with my blog. For some reason June is always a crazy month for me. Not one of my favorites. This year I have a touch of the summer time blues. While most people are excited to get out and about, I just want to hide. The good news is, I'm coming out of it!

So some might ask, "How can you be down in the beginning of the summer"? Well for me it's the overwhelming thoughts of all food challenges that summer brings. Add 7.5 month pregnant hormones, potty training, the terrible 2's, the heat, and there you have it folks. A very cranky momma.

What set me off this year is the Ice Cream Man. As a kid, I loved this summertime tradition. He rarely came down my block so it was extra special when he did. Where we live now he comes almost every night at dinnertime. That annoying song that loops over and over drive me nuts! He always stops right in front of out house without fail. Not just for a minute but for 5 to 10 minutes. Sometimes another one comes a bit later.

We've tried to tell the little man that's it's the music truck, but he doesn't buy it. He sees what all the kids are eating. It just makes me so sad every time he sees the kids and their ice cream, and he can't have any. I keep some safe popsicles in the freezer, but that will only last so long. I know there has to be something he sells that is safe for him like a fruit bar or something. I just haven't figured it out yet. I'm not sure how receptive the Ice Cream Man will be to me standing there reading labels for a while without buying anything until I can double check with the company. I know there is a solution to this, I just have to get on it.

Parties and BB Q's are the another summertime downer for me. What once was a fun time, has turned into anxiety from hell. Gone are the days where I can sit and enjoy the party and watch my kid from a distance. Now I have to hoover. FYI helicopter parent is not my thing.

In addition, now that Mac understands that his food is different, it's so hard. He really wants what everyone else is having. He gets mad and upset when we tell him no, but just doesn't understand why. We've been talking to him about peanut and tree nuts and how they will make him sick. He repeats it all the time but doesn't quite get it yet. Again another thing that breaks my heart.

I hate having to pack a days worth of meals every time we go on an outing. Lugging it around and then he won't eat it! It's worse then when he was a baby and we had to bring baby food and bottles. I guess the good part is we don't spend the money and eat healthier right?

Well enough with the pity party for me. There are so many worse things out there to be down about. It really is time to stop feeling down. I have a happy and health child and am grateful for that. As I said I'm coming out if it. I'm keeping busy trying to start a new photography business (shameless plug I know, I'm on Facebook too), chasing a 2.5 year old asking if he needs to go pee every ten minutes, getting ready for the new baby, as well as trying to get the Food Allergy Families of Rockland support group growing. I need a drink! I can't wait till I can have a margarita on the rocks with no salt! August is seems so far with a caving like that.

Ok I'm done feeling sorry for myself!

Summertime Blues:(

Valentine's Day Candy So Far

When I wait until the last minute to get safe treats for my little man I always regret it. So I started shopping. We don't make a big deal about Valentine's Day, but it's nice to get a sweet treat. I use to love when my parents would get a little something for me. A giant Hershey's Kiss was a favorite.

This year is a challenge. It's our first allergy aware Valentine's Day. Please keep in mind the treats mentioned are peanut and tree nut free to my knowledge. Remember to check for yourselves.

Since the giant Hershey's kiss is out of the question, I picked up some regular kisses since those are the safe ones. I also picked up some Sweet Tarts Hearts, not to be confused with sweet hearts (the hearts are not safe). Sweet hearts are the normal conversation heart candies people usually give out, but you guessed it, it's on the no no list.

As mentioned on our Facebook page I also bought Heart Shaped Peep's. I did write them and found out (the next day I might add), just as people said on the FB page they are safe. He's a snippet from their email:

Because product formulations can change at any time, we encourage consumers to refer to our package labels for the most up-to-date ingredient and allergen information. We are required by law to declare major food allergens as defined by the FDA on our label. Moreover, it is our policy to voluntarily add advisory statements to our packages to alert consumers to potential cross contamination risks. Therefore, if there is a risk of any cross contamination with peanuts or tree nuts it would be stated on our packaging.

I like that they have a policy to voluntarily add advisory statements about possible cross contamination. This is responsible labeling and I think it's great. Easter is looking a little bit sweeter this year too! I love me some Peep's!

Since I know school will most likely pose a problem I'm going in with back up in my pocket this party. Some candies, and cookies ready to eat. Since we are snowed in once again I was going to try and make some heart shaped sugar cookies with the hard frosting and share my success or failure with you. But alas, my dear husband used the last of the vanilla so I have to settle for some oatmeal chocolate chip. Still yummy and much easier. I hope to get some time soon to try my hand at the the sugar cookies this week or next.

Remember: READ IT BEFORE YOU EAT IT!

Valentine's Day Candy So Far

What's Acceptable?

I'm hoping I can get back to my blogging as I've been MIA. For some reason I've been avoiding the computer and my social networking/emails a lot lately. Probably not a bad thing since so much of our time now revolves around the Internet. I'm actually trying to talk myself out of upgrading to a smart phone. Do I really need Internet access 24/7?

So I read a blog entry today about a teacher who feels guilty about eating nuts at school. Now she does not have any allergic children in her class, nor is the school peanut and tree nut free. However they were at one time but that failed. The new idea is for the teachers to abstain and ask the kids to as well, but again it's not policy. Kids can still bring in their nutty foods.

She goes on to say how guilty she feels about her secret stash of mixed nuts she has in her draw. That she always washes her hands after eating them. She is aware of the allergies in the school (again none in her classroom). She seems responsible about it, but feels guilty. I think that feeling alone shows that she does care. Her post was well written and not accusatory against food allergic children or parents.

My point of this post is to ask, what's acceptable to you? We each will have our own tolerance on what is OK and what's not. In general I am OK with what she is doing. Provided she is not interacting with other children who do have allergies and is not eating the nuts in front of the non allergic kids when asking them not to eat nuts. I do think a teacher needs to set the example. Kids learn from teachers just as much as they do from home.

OK what do you think? Should she feel guilty?

What's Acceptable?