I have friends who became more organized when they had kids. Both my working mom friends, and stay at home mom friends, seem to have it all together. They enjoy their kids (not that I don't enjoy mine, I just think they don't enjoy stressed out mom right now). I know I don't see into their homes at the crazy moments, I know they are not perfect, but they seem more calm about it all. Do they dread the production it takes just to get everyone into the car to go out? For me that's a food allergy related anxiety. Do I have enough food, will he get upset this time? We all talk about how hard it is, to be a parent and find balance as an individual, a wife and friend.
Last night as I was working on some of the details for the baby's 1st birthday party (can you believe he's going to be one next month), I was thinking, that this last year has been crazy! My hubby got promoted, two weeks later I had a second child, one week later a hurricane hit and his paternity leave got screwed up. Then my oldest who has the peanut & tree nut allergy, started his first year of preschool (where we have to volunteer). I went back to work part time, started a portrait photography business, and recently signed an agreement to do some stock photography. Let us not forget, this blog and another blog for a local support group I co-founded.
So that's one husband, 2 kids, 3 blogs, 1 website, a part time job, a new business and a support group. Oh and hubby's schedule is so erratic! We honestly can't plan anything, baby sitters or weekend trips till 2 days before the week starts! It's driving our friends and family crazy along with me. I hate saying, "I won't know till.." every time we are asked to do something. I honestly think, people think we don't want to see them. It's the total opposite! I miss everyone terribly.
I think I had posted on Facebook, that I sent my oldest to a play date with a snack that wasn't 100% safe! Thank goodness for a great friend and mom, who checked my snack anyway. Where is my head that I can do something like that? How do I get organized with all this? What kind of balance can I achieve to be happy? Is it time to give something up? Do I give this up?
I think we can all agree I'm not the best blogger on the block. In fact, I suck at staying current and relevant. I don't post as often as I would like. BUT I really don't want to give this up. I love interacting with the FA community. Making someone feel that they are not alone, and that there is someone who understands. You all have helped me so may times I can't count. When I feel like others are looking at me like I'm nuts, I can come here or on my Facebook page and know you don't think I am!
I think this is all coming out as a result of two in a half weeks of nothing but bad. Between hubby's job, and the kids getting coxsakie/hand foot and mouth, it's all come to a head. I'm an anxious person to begin with, but my levels are pretty high right now. I don't want to give up any of it. I finally found my way back to photography (heck it's what I have my masters in), and it has been my main focus, but so many other things are suffering because of it. Even though I'm focused on it, I need to dedicate more time to it. But where's the time?
I guess it's time to take a serious look at all, that is my life. I don't want to be a quitter, I want to do it all! You know super mom who just isn't a mom lol. I know my hubby is worried about me, and that we "need to talk". Don't you hate that phrase? I probably will never figure it out, but I'm going to try. Any advise or ideas how to get it together are welcome!
Thanks for once again listening to me ramble!
